


Strands

by TotalFanFreak



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hair, Mentions of Cancer, Reader-Insert, Reader-Interactive, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-31
Updated: 2016-08-31
Packaged: 2018-08-12 02:44:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7917337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TotalFanFreak/pseuds/TotalFanFreak
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After losing so much hair due to chemotherapy, you realize it's about time to tell your team...knowing that includes Reid.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Strands

Title: Strands  
Author: totalfanfreak  
Rating: T  
Prompt/Summary: http://imaginingcriminalminds.tumblr.com/post/148364879150/imaginingcriminalminds-imagine-being-uncertain  
Main Character(s): Spencer Reid/ Reader  
Trigger Warning: illness warning, mentions of chemo and treatments  
Word Count: 1800  
Beta/Editor: Me  
Multishot: Nope  
Author’s Notes: I realize I haven't been posting at a usual pace recently, I just found out my mom has lung cancer and I'm trying to be there for her, while taking time to escape here the reality here. But this is kind of for her.  
Morgan arc spoilers?: Nope

 

There was no use denying it any further, your were losing your hair. No wait, scratch that, it was falling out – clinging to your clothing, stopping up the drain, filling the hairbrush with each tug. It just wasn't where it was supposed to be anymore. It didn't really surprise you, though it was upsetting. After a month of treatments the affects were catching up, you ran a hand through the strands bringing along some with it. You sighed at the sight, you had never pictured yourself with short hair, let alone no hair, and you were struggling with what would soon happen. The vomiting, constipation, aches, fevers, constant nausea and headaches – fine. But this, this was part of you, you had always had a mass of hair.

It was something that was literally apart of you, and hadn't you treated it so well? Not just salon treatments but DIY too, it was some of your earliest memories of egg and olive oil masks with your mom and sister. Giggling and binging on junk food as you did each other's nails while your hair was nourished. This was a mean repayment for all those years of dedication.

Looking back in the mirror you turned from side to side. It wasn't noticeable, not yet anyways, but everyone at work had begun to see how it stuck to your clothes, had seen that you wore it up way more at the office than you used to, usually reserving up-dos for field work. They had also been paying attention to how you never went out anymore, and if so you never drink and only stirred the food around your plate. But they still didn't know, after being diagnosed with the cancer that was the first thing that entered your mind. It was wrong to keep something from them, they were as close as blood, but you couldn't take it if they saw you as weak. The constant 'oh, you should sit this out,' or 'let us do that for you so you can rest,' or worse 'we think you should take a leave so you can battle this at home.' Yes, you would have to take leave sooner rather than later now, and she had discussed all of it with Hotch. But everyone else.

Morgan would end up carrying every little thing you had, JJ and Emily would constantly ask how you are or do you need anything, Rossi would offer to find the best doctor money could buy, while Garcia would bring her stuffed animals and sweets all day, and Reid, Spencer....

Looking blankly in the mirror you had no idea what he would do. Would he run away, stay away from you in disgust? Be so angry for not telling him? Sleeping with him while this way?

You remembered talking to some of the other patients during recovering from your first dosage of treatment, them saying how some of their loved ones had acted like it was something contagious. And that was all you could think of when it came to this and Spencer. His hate of germs. It had taken so long for the two of you to touch each other, if he knew, God, if he knew.

You hadn't realized you begun to cry, the salty taste making it through your lips. Wiping your cheeks you forced yourself to stop thinking, and cleaned out the sink. I'm going to have to cut it. That's all there is to it.

Throwing yourself together you booked for something, closest to work, and during your lunch hour. Knowing if you didn't do it today, you'd lose the nerve. You could already feel them jumping back up, luckily it was too late, and, on the bright side, you would be able to keep what hair you did have a little bit longer.

Everything was as usual when you got to the bullpen and poured your coffee. Morgan was teasing Reid, Emily and JJ rolling their eyes while Garcia reprimanded him. You put on a happy face as you went over to them.

“And what are you tormenting Reid about today?”

Morgan grinned at you with an arched brow. “Oh, same old, same old, he's pissed off the new section chief.”

You looked between the two men, confused. “How exactly did you do that, Spence?”

“I didn't do anything I was polite and formal -”

“He didn't shake his hand, you know how he is. They'll hold it out and he'll look at it for a second like it's a talking animal then give a little wave.”

You smiled sympathetically. “I doubt that pissed him off, Morgan.”

“You didn't see the man's face, pretty princess.”

You rolled your eyes at him. “I'm sure it's fine, Spence, first impressions aren't always accurate.”

“True, Reid, he'll get to know you and realize you're much worse than he first thought.”

With that Garcia slapped Morgan in the back of the head with a file to make him stop. “Okay tall, dark, and tactless, get to work and leave Reid alone. You're not even mentioning the fact that you almost fell on your face in front of him.”

The girls all laughed, you and Reid with small smiles on your faces as Morgan did his best to turn the tables back around. When he realized there was no point left in trying to tease Reid he gave his goodbye and went to his office. Everyone went to their own work after that.

After tunneling through several files you heard Reid clear his throat from next to your desk. Leaning back into your seat you smiled. “You need something, Spencer?”

“Oh, I, well, it's almost noon.”  
Looking at your watch you realized he was right. You had about ten minutes to get down there, if you left now you could surely make it. Throwing on your jacket, you turned to Reid's expectant face, and your heart dropped.

“Oh, Spence, I'm afraid I have to do something this lunch hour, I promise to make it up to you though.”

He looked so unsure, being a creature of habit, and not used to you missing your lunch dates. You rubbed his arm and gave him a kiss on the cheek before leaving, feeling his eyes following you out of the room.

Looking through the magazines and hairstyle books you had settled on something of a nice pixie cut. It would be short enough that the strands would be less noticeable when they fell out, and the top bangs could be feathered in a way that was still feminine. It was a good look and you had admired it on many women, but you were still nervous on what it would look like on you. Being called and settling into the chair you tried to control your breathing and make the mandatory chit chat that came with salons. Your soul cringing when you saw the first locks fall to the floor. So long, having long hair for so long. Too many longs and now they were gone. Being turned back towards the mirror you looked at yourself with wide eyes. Not recognizing the person in front of you.

This would be the you that would strive, to fight harder, to be honest with yourself...and everyone else. Tipping the beautician you exited, picking up something to eat from the nearest food truck you saw. You felt lighter. In so many aspects, the weight from the pressure of having to keep things up about to be gone. Finally you could focus solely on getting better. Getting back to work you felt everyone's eyes on you as you nonchalantly went back to work.

“You cut your hair?”

Looking back up at Reid, you smiled nervously. “Yeah, I kind of need to.”

His eyebrows knitted together. “You needed to?”

You nodded. “I – I'll tell all of you about it later.”

Turning back to your work you could feel his anxiety and you saw him playing with his fingernails as he went back to his desk. You bit your lip feeling guilty for waiting for so long but you eventually threw yourself back in your work. Everyone commented on your hair throughout the remainder of the day some were compliments, most were startled whys. You gave them the same answer as Reid, and when the clock reached the day's end everyone had gathered around your desk.

Your nerves revved back up as you looked at all of them, giving a glance at Hotch who gave you a nod of encouragement. Wringing your hands, you took a breath, and let everything go.

“I have cancer.”

The shocked looks told you that was the last thing they were expecting. Garcia pummeled you in a hug that almost threw you to the ground. They gathered around you, giving you encouragement, promises of being there to do anything they could to help, giving love and warmth and acceptance. Except Reid. Looking over you saw him propped on the desk, chewing the inside of his cheek. You suddenly felt incredibly alone surrounded by all your loving friends.  
Gathering your things, you went to the elevator, feeling a presence beside you. You remained quiet as you and Reid waited for the box to reach your floor. You had been with him long enough to know he wanted to say something. And you figured it was best to get it out of the way.

“Spence, it's okay, I do understand, that 'this' what we were, can't keep going. It's okay. I promise.”

He looked momentarily stunned, not knowing how to answer. “I was trying to figure a way to ask if you wanted to get something to eat. I – I didn't want to sound insensitive to it all, I don't know exactly how to approach it. If you told me your condition and stage, I could tell you the survival rate, the most popular terms of treatments, and most recovery times. But emotional comfort, I can try, and I want to.”

“You do?”

“Of course I do, did you honestly think I wouldn't want to be with you anymore?”

“All the scenarios I played in my head went to worst case of it.”

“I can't promise I'll be the best at it, but I want to be there. If you want me to...”

“You know I want you there, Spence, always.”

“Good.”

He approached you running a hand through the short strands of hair, you shivered at the tender touch.

“I really do like your haircut, by the way. It suits you, I never saw you as a princess, you're much too tough for that.”

“Then what am I?”

“I feisty sprite, a fairy, a muse. A bit of everything.”

Standing up on tiptoes you kissed him sweetly, him bringing you closer as the elevator went unnoticed.


End file.
